I can’t believe it! It’s been over a year since I’ve written a blog post. To be fair, I’ve been posting more content on TikTok, but this blog is where everything started, and you my friend deserve an update. I know that blogging and lifestyle posts are not as popular nowadays, and I’ve been going back and forth asking myself: Is it worth it to continue writing blog posts? Will anyone even read this?
Well, I’ve come to the conclusion that it is worth it, even if the only person who reads it is my future self. Some people keep daily journals or document their lives on video, but I realize that these posts are my personal time capsule. With TikTok, I may be able to reach a larger audience, but my blog allows me to truly express myself, unscripted, unrehearsed. If you have been following me a while or if this is your first time here, I just want to thank you! Thank you for coming along on this journey with me. I hope that my little piece of the internet inspires you. Now let me tell you about my first year of medical school…
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When I think back to orientation week, it reminds me of that first week of high school. You’re 23 years old walking onto campus with the same feelings of nervousness and excitement that you had at 14. But this time you feel a sense of confidence. After everything you went through with the MCAT and applications, you reassure yourself: I earned this position. I deserve to be here. I belong here. Meeting my classmates with the same passion for medicine and hearing deans and physicians congratulate us on this amazing achievement slowly washed my fears away. Sure, we continued to receive the monotonous spiel of medical school being analogous to “drinking water out of a fire hose,” but after everything we endured to get here, how hard could med school really be? Standing on the stage wearing my new white coat being cheered on by my family and classmates who I had met 4 days ago, it felt like I was on top of the world.
The best way that I can describe those first few months of medical school is this: a rollercoaster with just as many highs as there are lows. I felt the thrill as I dissected in the basements of anatomy lab, learned how to ultrasound patients, and partied with my classmates turned friends in Vegas. But it’s funny how the low moments seemed to erase everything else, including my own confidence. I remember the knot in my stomach during our very first post-exam review. You could just feel the nervous energy buzzing through the hall as we waited for Dr. Suchard to release our scores. All I need is to pass. P=MD. Looking down at my iPad, a sea of blaring red marks filled my screen. I had passed, but just barely, and it would not be the last time that this occurred. With every week that passed, my sense of belonging seemed to chip away. I still couldn’t figure out my study strategy, and I began to dread my weekly clinical classes because I hated constantly making mistakes in front of my group. We had just started medical school but why was everyone else more knowledgeable than me when it came to academics, clinicals, and research? In those moments and even now, I wish I had an involved mentor who could just guide me out of this endless maze.
Fast forward to the new year, and things were finally starting to fall into place. I figured out that my preferred study method is to consistently do Anki on lecture material and supplement my learning with board style questions, especially before during the days leading up to the test. Even though I was initially in disbelief that med students had to do extracurriculars all over again, I found my way towards student organizations and a research team that I was actually passionate about. And I was beginning to develop an affinity towards ophthalmology. Maybe I do belong here after all…
If there is one thing that medical school has taught me so far and one thing you should take away from this post, it is: don’t take yourself too seriously. My entire life, I have been a perfectionist, and if you are like me, you know how this characteristic is single handedly our greatest strength and weakness. Sure, I was probably just getting used to the constant grind of medical school, but I also think that my sense of belonging strengthened when I accepted that I can’t possibly know everything as an MS1, and that is okay. Who cares if I answered my preceptor’s insanely challenging question incorrectly? I will remember it for next time. So what if my peers know more than me? I will follow in their footsteps and learn from them. If I made it to medical school as a first generation college student with no physicians in my family, I must be doing something right.
Even though it seems like I have finally gotten a grasp of medical school, I assure you that I am still Redditing all my questions away. Just yesterday, I had yet another existential crisis because I don’t know what the heck I’m doing when it comes to research. I realize now that the sense of not knowing will forever be a recurring theme in my life. Because that is the nature of medicine. I may not know what comes next, but I do know that just as I did in high school and undergrad, I will figure it out.
Thanks so much for reading this post! I actually haven’t shared these thoughts to anyone, so it feels good to finally write them down. If you are starting medical school, college, or a new chapter in your life, just know that you are not alone. Feel free to reach out to me at blazeannmed@gmail.com if you ever need advice or someone to talk to! Also, I promise this isn’t the only post I’ll make this year. Stay tuned because there’s more to come about med school! And feel free to watch my TikTok videos for a plethora of pre-med/MCAT/med-school app advice in the meantime!
Love,
Blaze Ann
