For as long as I can remember, I have sat down before the end of each year and reflected about what I wanted to strive towards in the upcoming year. 2016 was different. I did not create any goals for 2017. It’s a weird feeling. I wanted to. I really did, but something just held me back. I kept telling myself that it was okay that I didn’t make any resolutions, reasoning that by the end of December 2017, I wasn’t even going to remember any of them. The excuse that I fabricated was a facade to comfort myself from the stone cold truth:
I am afraid.
My whole life thus far has been a race, a struggle, a journey towards this year. It seems like just yesterday, I was in elementary school memorizing the year that I was going to graduate high school- 2017. Now it is here. This inevitable year that symbolized a sort of finish line, an end to part one of my life called childhood, is finally here. It is not that I am afraid of growing up. 2017 has been the occupant of my worries because for the first time in forever, I have no idea what the heck is going to happen. I feel like I am in a waiting game, paralyzed, not knowing what to do. My thoughts have been flooded with questions upon questions upon questions. Which colleges will I get accepted into? Will I be able to survive living outside of home? Are my classes going to be difficult? 2016 may have been the hardest year of my life, but 2017? The scariest- and I’m only one day in! I guess the reason why I have delayed creating goals for 2017 is because I wasn’t ready to leave 2016. I was not prepared to face a year filled with uncertainty.
In the midst of my anxieties, I took a step back and thought to myself, “Why are you worrying so much about the future?” There is no need to worry about what tomorrow or the next day holds because God is already there. Two thousand and seventeen may be a big, scary number, but I have a God that is far, far greater. I just need to remember to trust in Him. So, maybe that is my goal for this year- to place my trust in God during the highest points of life and when I am in the dark, blindly searching for the light.
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I don’t expect anyone to read this; this post was more of a reflection for myself. If you did read it, thank you from the bottom of my heart. 2016 has been an amazing year, and I have so much gratitude towards you for coming along on my blogging journey. Happy New Year! I cannot wait to see what 2017 holds in store for us!
love,
blaze ann
